50. things about me...

I seen this on one of my friends blogs and I decided to give it a try so here it goes....




1. I have an amazing boyfriend/ future husband.




2. I love my job even though most of the time I have no clue what I'm doing.







3. I have no clue what I'm doing about 95% of the time.







4. My family is huge a little crazy but I wouldn't trade them for anything.







5. I try to act tuff and like I have everything figured out but really I'm scared of what the future holds for me.







6. My goal in life is to be a good mom to my future kids.







7. I have a gut feeling that I can't have children (don't know why)







8. I want to be a Midwife because I think that the most beautiful thing in the world is childbirth (after all the blood and pain of the actual childbirth).




9. I would like to have a closer relationship with my grandparents.







10. I've witnessed death but never had a loved one die.











11. I sing... constantely...and then some more.




12. I love my brother Jesse more then he will ever know.







13. I'm terrified of chickens and I'm not stupid I know it's a weird fear.







14. I HATE being made fun of for being afraid of chickens.







15. I can't stand it when people say that I said stuff I never said.







16. I can't stand it when someone thinks they know how I'm feeling better than I do.







17. The only person that is to blame for my past is myself.







18. I have worked really hard to become a better person so that I can accomplish my dreams.




19. I would love to sing on Broadway.







20. I admire my mom more than anyone.







21. I have a bad hip already.







22. I have acid reflux disease.







23. I have an abdominal murmur.







24. I have weird problems.







25. I like to be around people who are older than I am.







26. I'm happy to be out of high school.







27. I am outgoing.







28. I am loud.







29. I like to have fun.







30. I've been to Hawaii.





31. I've been to Mexico.







32. I want to live forever because the thought of death scares me.... even more than chickens.







33. I loved being a CNA because I like to take care of people in need.







34. I have always wanted to play the guitar.




35. I was fired from my piano teacher when I was 5 because I wasn't progressing.




36. I was in the news paper when I was in Kindergarten for singing in a talent show and having my fingers crossed behind my back.

Yup that's me on the very top (The one with the cowgirl boots on)

37. I LOVE bread.

38. I LOVE pasta.

39. I LOVE brownies.

40. I think of myself as a pretty good poet and song writer.

41. I have really turned my life around for the better.

42. I LOVE SCRUBS!!!!

43. I want a little girl named Addi

44. I am loud :)

45. I kinda sometimes have a temper.

46. My mom is my best friend in the world.

47. I have the most amazing cat in the world.. Sammy!

48. I love to Laugh.

49. I am not short I am fun sized!!!

50. I for the most part am a very outgoing and happy person who just likes to have fun! :)

Thanks for reading 50 things about me!!!

Hawaii anyone?

I just got back from an AMAZING trip to Hawaii on Saturday night! It was one of the funnest trips that I've ever been on. The only thing that could have made it better was if Cass would have been able to come with us. It was me, my mom, Scott, and every now and again we seen Jesse. I was there for 8 days and 8 nights I left first thing on Saturday morning so I don't count that as a day there. We went scuba diving (ALOT), parasailing, hiking, biking, swimming, we went to Pearl Harbor, we went on a sunset dinner cruise, and we went to a Luau! I will put pictures up when I have a minute to upload them.

Frustrated :(

Ok so as anyone who reads this already knows I've had a little trouble with friends lately. I no longer have a girl friend that I can go to with everything. I even miss school because at least every other day I got to go to Cheryl in the daycare and let off my steam and tell my stories and then listen to how things were with her. Now I have no girls to talk to....ever. Can I just say how badly it sucks to have no one to call when I have a fight with Cass? Instead of calling a friend to complain about Cass (when I'm mad at him) I have to call Cass and complain to him about himself, I'm pretty sure it doesn't make him very happy!

I have a few friends but none that I would feel comfortable calling up when I am crying (I think thats what makes a good friend). I'm not saying that I want my old friends back in any shape or form cuz I've had the chance and I just don't want to have bad friends in my life I just want someone to be there for me .... kind of like a sub for Cass when he needs a day off from my crazy! Poor guy.

The one nice thing about not having a friend to go to is I have gotten so much closer to my family and Cass. I have always loved him and thought really highly of him but after the last few months I never realized how badly I took advantage of having someone there to talk to who actually listened and cared to know what I was saying. Same with my mom I feel like she is my best friend in the whole world (and it's nice that she can't just throw me away). I have found out a lot about her that I never knew before (like she has emotions, it's wierd) (Just kidding). My mom actually has gone through something alot like what I'm going through so it's nice to have her here to talk to even though she is tired of hearing me complain but I can't say that I blame her!

Either way, even though it totally sucks that I don't have a good gal pal that I can call up and hang out with, at the end of the day it's nice to have an amazing family and a wonderful man to come home to.

Daddy

My Dad

I know it's a little after Fathers day but that's ok I barely have enough time to sleep let alone sit on the computer and write... Anyways back to my dad.

I have called my dad, Daddy since I was little and probably always will. It's babyish but thats ok I don't have any cool nicknames for people so daddy is as good as it gets for me.

I already said a little bit about him in one of my earlier blogs but oh well. Here it goes.... My dad and I haven't always had the best relationship, he wasn't around a bunch when I was younger (or at least that I can remember) he would go to work before I woke up, come home around 6 eat dinner, go watch tv, then go to bed early. I can only remember one conversation I had with my dad before I was twelve and it was about how I was starting to grow up...and it lasted for I think around a minute.

So it's sad to say but I wasn't that upset when I found out that my parents were getting a divorce because I didn't even know my dad so not having him around was what I was used to.

Luckily with the divorce came a whole new relationship between me and my dad. He actually started to come around and seemed happy when he saw us. I started talking to my dad about everything! Especially because I couldn't talk to my mom cuz she drove me crazy (I was in a rebel stage of my life he he) (I am now out of that and love my mother VERY much infact she's my best friend) any ways.... So me and my dad's relationship grew out of no where and now I couldn't imagine my life without a dad that is so amazing and who loves me so much!

My dad holding my brother Daniel

Murmur...

So today I went to the Dr's office because I am in a research study to up a heartburn med's dosage from 20 to 50mg. They want me in the study because I have acid reflux disease.... and I want to be part of it because I get PAID!!!

Anyways... So I got there and Cass went with me for support (very sweet). We went in and talked to one of the researchers, got my blood drawn, did a blowing test for bacteria, and got my first ECG. I was feeling pretty good about things until the researcher said that my ECG was a little .... weird... and would have the PA take a closer look into it.

I wanted to cry but he made it seem like no big deal. So after all of that I had just one thing left ... my first physical in around 14 years (I was 5 the last time I had a full check up). The PA was really nice and seemed cool. He just kept smiling and didn't seem worried at all... til he got to my stomach. He seemed to be focusing on the middle of my stomach right under my ribs the most.

Then it was over... I thought. He was telling me what good health I was in, checking off his little list, then he came to my abdomin and that's when he told me he heard something.........unusual! :(
He told me that he heard a murmur in my artery that goes into my abdomin, or in other words my descending aorta. I wanted to cry right there but I was strong and held it in. But I have had other Dr's do the same stuff to my stomach that he did and I wonder why they didn't find my murmur before...

So in all I found out I have a murmur which I have to live with and just hope that I don't get an anuerysm. This scares me cause my grandpa had an anuerysm from his murmur that was exactly where mine is.

But I will keep everyone updated whenever I find out more...

Hard Times...

So right now I've kind of been going through a ruff time in my life. I lost the two only close friends that I have... it's worth it...later! I am now out of high school for good and I'm getting a little shove into the real world :(

I've been working since I was 15 so I thought that I would be ready to work a lot of hours and still be able to do stuff...I was VERY wrong. My whole life has become work.

So I've been dealing with all of this stuff alone... I have Cass but there is only so much that he can do. But I feel like it has helped me so much. I have even matured a bunch in the last month since lossing my friends! I'm thinking that it is all for the better.

My hard times are only building into my amazing years!

My mother!

My mom put me as my own follower and now I can't get find a way to get rid of it! I'm not really a freak! :( Just thought I'd let ya'll know!